Minutes 1-2: Round up Michelle and kids, give finger to Bush and Cheney, head to Oval Office

Minute 3: Remove stupid flag pin from lapel

Minutes 10-13: Sneak out to Rose Garden for a quick smoke

Minute 25: Go on Facebook; put out a friend request to Ahmadinejad (with no preconditions)

Minute 26: Remind Biden to “shut his f*#king cakehole”

Minutes 45-48: Sneak out to Rose Garden for a quick smoke

Minutes 65-67: Delete “private” Scarlett Johansson photos before surrendering Blackberry to Secret Service

Minutes 91-99: Do a little blow

You know we got mad love for President Obama, but this is HILARIOUS!